i was looking for a different rilke quote to match with this post, but i couldn't find it. our shakespeare teacher read it to me and my scene partner last night before we began working. oh well.
i am relieved to report that i am not writing this at 6:00 am, although it is definitely 2:01 am. i really ruined my sleep schedule and gave up on fixing it again when i realized i only had a few days left in the uk.
guys. i only have one day left of classes. that's absolutely insane.
as expected, i received many a concerned email from my parents after my last post. y'all, i am super fine. they made me laugh.
okay, here's what i've been up to during week 3 (in bullet form because nothing was exciting enough to warrant me writing about it sooner):
- guest class with alex waldmann (brutus is rsc's julius caesar), which was actually my favorite guest class thusfar
- free coffee at jericho for sharing my notes from said guest class with the barista (score!)
- lots of rehearsals
- lots of crying about getting frustrated over miranda
- lots of joy when i sort of figured miranda out, bit by bit
- last ride on charlie, and i was a mess
- getting stuck in the rain for over an hour because my taxi never came after my ride
- punting with my cousin and his friends!
- new photo collection
my time here flew, and i will obviously write a farewell post, and i'm not even sure if i want to be writing this post right now, but i'm feeling guilty that i'm so far behind on writing, and i need somewhere to put pictures, so this honestly won't even be a great post.
if i've learned anything from my last post, it's that i have significantly more patience with other people than with myself, whether it be classmates or teachers.
it's no secret that i've been getting frustrated with whatever expectation i am asking myself to live up to with miranda, when there is literally no expectation beyond being false and sucking. i get stressed every time i have to rehearse the scene, so much so that my heart rises into my throat, and thinking in a straight line becomes nearly impossible. i always feel on the brink of whatever, and i can never really get there myself, which makes me feel really incapable.
my biggest fear coming out of acting school this year was that i would never be able to do the best work i ever did in school in the real world, because most of the time the best work i ever did was aided by someone pushing me to do it. an that's been true of what my work here has been like. and i guess it's true that when you're working on a production or a film, you'r.e always in process, and you will always have people working with you on getting better and dropping into a character better. but i guess what i'm really feeling is starting to be afraid of auditioning-- because i never was before-- because i'm starting to be afraid of not being prepared enough.
i guess being afraid comes with the career. blerg.