As both a wedding photographer and someone who’s engaged, it’s been important to me now more than ever to ensure that my business, in both the language and the way I communicate with couples, authentically represents the way I represent myself and who I am as a person. This means never being ashamed to speak out on what I feel is wrong in our world, what a pivotal part of my life my community became to me, and how we fall short on our promise to promote and embrace love.


I was fortunate enough to be a guest on The Vendor Podcast in Episode 110 (“The Importance of Inclusivity in the Wedding Industry”). We delved into removing bride-forward language from our websites and communications, taking a gender-neutral approach to communicating with couples and prospective clients, and letting the couple lead you in how they want to be represented as a couple on their wedding day.


I’ve written a short guide below for those who haven’t had the opportunity to listen to the podcast or might not be able to. The guide is geared towards all couples, not just “traditional” couples.


Language and never assuming

  • Ask people for their pronouns on your contact forms and/or on consult calls!
  • Removing bride-forward language from your website, contact forms, prep guides,  contracts, etc.
  • Using gender-neutral language in your contracts and questionnaires
  • Asking a couple how they’d like to be referred to, whether that be bride/groom, bride/bride, groom/groom, or simply the couple/newlyweds
  • Explicitly state your values and anti-discrimination policy should they come up with clients or vendors
  • Instead of assuming someone is not disabled based on the way they speak or physically appear, ask them open ended questions 


Discussing them and their loved ones

  • Before I take a photo, I lead by asking couples how they interact at home. This gives them the opportunity to step back from how they feel they should be acting in front of a camera, and puts it back in their own personal hands. If they tell you they’re very goofy, consider encouraging lots of movement and telling each other jokes as they come up. Are they quieter and soft at home? Maybe skip the “drunk walk” and ere on the side of more intimate poses (nose to nose, holding each other, quiet moments to themselves where you shoot from a big further away).
  • Do not assume someone is able-bodied based on how they speak or physically conduct themselves! For example, asking a question like, “Are we ok to walk around for a bit or will you need any breaks?”.
  • Do not assume their blood family is their family! Ask them who is closest to them, and use questions like, “Who in your nuclear or chosen family is most important to you?


Approaching family and how to ask open ended questions without directly asking how they relate to their family:

  • “For your formal photos, who from your chosen and/or nuclear family will be part of those?”
  • “Will both of your parents be there, and will they bring additional partners?”
  • “Are there any personal dynamics I should be aware of when posing groups?” (i.e. Are there two people that absolutely should not stand near each other?”)


Broaden the services and packages you offer.

Not every couple wants the “traditional” wedding. Many couples, especially queer couples, are rewriting the rules. Diversify the packages you offer by going beyond the 8-12 hour wedding with 150+ guests and extensive “traditional” aspects. Think about:

  • Elopement and micro-wedding packages
  • Flexible timelines for non-traditional ceremonies
  • Never assume a couple will include all “traditional” aspects of a wedding day and ask them in a way where they have the opportunity to present their day to you as opposed to asking them which boxes you should be unchecking: Are they foregoing a flower toss? Will there be parent dances? Is there a garter toss?


Show Up With Representation That Matters

  • Include queer, trans, and BIPOC couples in loving, joyful moments
  • Representing a wide range of identities and love stories on your website and socials
  • Highlight alternative celebrations (backyard weddings, secular officiants, chosen family, etc)
  • Tell stories with integrity, not tokenism—share names, pronouns, and voices (with consent)
  • Vendors who prioritize safety, accessibility, and representation


Keep Learning (and Unlearning)

Letting your heart and the way you value people is imperative to how you run your business. It is often intimidating to ask yourself “how political can I be in my business?”. I feel the most important thing for people to embrace is de-politicizing peoples’ lives. My life as a queer person is not political, and no life is illegal. If you’re afraid of losing business for speaking out and conducting a business in line with your ethics, remind yourself that those who no longer want to work with you are not for you.


Thanks for stopping by! Happy shooting!


Cheers,

Shelby